mama needs a new phone...

All right. So I don't really need one, but I want one very, very badly.

I've been phone shopping because I just hate my Blackberry Pearl. Hate it. I hate it so much I keep waiting for it to die, or for one of the kids to kill it "accidentally" like they did with my last phone. Everytime I look at it wrong, it screams SIMCARD ERROR at me and I have to shut it down and start it up again, which is about three times a day. And sometimes I don't receive any email for long periods of time (and it isn't because I'm not really not getting any--really).

And while other than those issues, it works, I haven't quite handed it over to Naomi to take it's little crackberry life forever because that seems sort of wasteful (and I'm trying hard to earn back my super nature girl status). But mostly because I had such high hopes for it, and cannot believe it's such a drag. Because it really is so petite and almost cute.

So I've just been looking--not full-on cheating on my Pearl.

And I can't find ANYTHING that is just so irresistible I wouldn't be able to pass it up. And really, I'm so up for irresistible. But I have requirements and while they don't seem to hard to fulfill, I haven't found the dream phone to fulfill my wildest cell phone dreams. Sigh...

Here is what I'm looking for:
1. I want to be able to have two Exchange accounts on the phone so that I can differentiate between home and work email. I've read that the new iPhone won't let me do this, so I'll check that one off my list even though it sounds so amazing, I'd give up my #3 requirement.

2. I want faster internet service than my Blackberry provides. (...and I'm not looking to surf on this service--I just want it to not take a short eternity to click on an emailed link. But okay, it would be fun to have the sort of connectivity B gets on his iPhone)

3. I'd like something not huge. In fact, because I refuse to ever clip my phone to a holder on my beltloop and don't often wear shirts with chest pockets like B does, if I want to have my phone on me during meetings, I need to place it on the conference table where it buzzes or vibrates when it rings. It's an annoying occurrence that happens all the time at meetings and it's distracting when you're presenting something and someone's phone begins to unapologetically and unabashedly vibrate. And to be honest, more often than not, it's a guy's phone that is buzzing around on the table. Which got me thinking...

What I love about my Pearl (and why does it have to have such an adult toy name?), it that it fits neatly and discretely in my back pocket. Nobody has to know when I vibrate.

I don't care about large number keys because my fingers aren't huge and quite honestly, I don't need too many features, though I'd love to have my phone be my main email form factor since I spend so much time running around.

So my question here is, why is this dream phone so hard to find? I'm seriously not looking for the George Clooney of phones here. But it seems to me that most of the phones I've seen are made for men. Seriously. Why else are they so incredibly big? Do the tech companies out there think that women don't like toys, too? Or am I being unreasonable?

If you have any recommendations, I'm definitely up for them..