the adventures of pickle the bulldog, volume 1...

Since despite my urging, Sam has not yet learned to type his own homework assignments and I spent some time with him over the weekend typing this out for him (while he read over my shoulder guffawing over any typo I made), I figured I may as well make this count as a blog post even though it does look like a blatant copycat move of Princess M's post. Except that Sam really did write this (hee hee!). You can tell, because mature adult writers don't write personification essays about dogs who like to eat poop. Oh wait, I edited that out before he turned it in.

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The Adventures of Pickle the Bulldog
by Sam A.

Ok, so I’m crawling down the street minding my own business when a person comes up with this thing they call a net and he puts me inside it! The guy puts me in this thing they call a car. I sat in the backseat. The man strapped me up with this thing called a seat belt. Then the guy pressed a button and the car ran somewhere, but its feet were round.

I wanted to work the car, too, so I pulled a switch on the door, but instead the back door swung open. My ears fluffed back. I said, “I love this creature.”

The man said, “Well, woof woof to you, too.”

Then we went to this thing they call the pet shop. I was put in this thing called a cage. It had no bars, so I decided to run out. Instead, I smashed into this invisible wall! The door suddenly opened and a person came in. He took better care of me than the Net Man. His name was Leo.
Leo is a nice person, but his little sister is trouble. She puts bows on my head and always plays this thing they call dress-up with me.

Before I talk about bad stuff, let’s talk about good stuff. My favorite thing they have in the house is this thing called a toilet. It has a switch and if you pull it, it makes a sound like FLLUUUSSSHH! And if you haven’t noticed, I love switches. It’s also the best water bowl because it’s bigger than the one they keep in the kitchen for me.

They also have this thing called a bathtub that is nice to sleep in. Once Leo’s sister turned on the water while I was in it and it sprayed me in the face!

Leo’s sister is rude. She does not let me eat my food and says it’s not good to eat too much cereal, Doggy. That’s what they call me—Doggy. Once she played a trick on me. She put a pickle in her pocket and I tried to eat the pickle because I really like pickles. But instead I bit her and now they call me Pickle.

Today a new family came to the house next to ours. Their last name is Morrison. And now, for the best part, they have a cat.

The next day I went to their house while Leo and his sister were at school. I went to the cat door and went in halfway. There was the cat eating tuna. But my waist was too big so I was stuck.
The cat saw me, and I said, “Howdy!”

The cat said, “The name’s Tuna Breath.”I couldn’t help it. I went bursting into laughter. “Ya wanna piece of me?” said the cat.

“I’ll have a piece of that tuna,” I said.

“Get lost!” said Tuna Breath. He yelled so loud I got noticed by a neighbor, who called Animal Control.

The next thing I knew, I woke up in a fright. I must have been hit by a tranquilizer. But I realized something: this was the same petshop I had been brought to before I met Leo. I remembered someone, a parrot named CooCoo. I looked at CooCoo and said, “Hey, CooCoo! Can you break th e glass?”

“I’ll try,” said CooCoo. He came up, pecked the glass and boom! I let out all of the pets from their cages and ran out the door.

It was noon. Leo and his sister were on their way home from school. I had been looking for home for three days. I finally had an answer for Tuna Breath. I was lost. I walked four miles until I saw someone familiar. It was Tuna Breath, the cat who started all this trouble and he was in my yard, digging in my hole. I walked up to him to say “Woof-Woof”, but Tuna Breath fell straight into the hole. I walked past the hole to my doggy door and entered my home. He wouldn’t be getting out for awhile.