more of what it takes...

Tomorrow morning I'm off to California for my Aunt Liz's funeral. As I said less than two weeks ago, it just plainly sucks that it takes a funeral for family to get together. I will be seeing relatives I haven't seen for five years or more, family that I love but don't call enough, people that I enjoy spending time with, but don't make enough time to see them. The fact that we're all busy is now clearly a lame excuse. I just feel sad.

And on top of sadness, I definitely feel anxious about getting on a plane and leaving my three kids at home with their busy dad. I realized after making the reservations that I have never left for more than a night and it feels odd to pack up my own stuff without including diapers and extra kid clothes and drive to my brother's house so that we can take this trip together. But it is probably a good thing for all not to drag three kids to a funeral.

So that's where I am tonight--sad and anxious. On the bright side, a road trip to the desert with my brother once we land in LA involving some good music and conversation sounds like a good time (we really do enjoy road trips) and I've definitely had some very vivid daydreams featuring me devouring some true Mexican food.

And even though I wish I were going for another reason, it'll be good to get back to Southern California for a few days, where oddly, I feel grounded.